How Do You Love You?

This is an excerpt from what I wrote in my journal earlier.  I thought I'd open up the topic to my friends to get some other perspectives.

I'm not doing enough for myself.

I'm burning out.  Everyone says that the Scripture where Jesus says to love your neighbor as yourself means that you have to love yourself too.  But what if you don't?  What if thinking you're supposed to love yourself just seems selfish?

I should be paying attention to myself more- my health, my weight, my studies, my appearance... everything.  I'm sure, honestly, that it would translate into a happier house for my men.  I mean, I'm sure if I felt better about me, I'd have more energy and willpower to keep a cleaner, more comfortable house.  I'd cook more.  We'd be better financially.  There are so many things I'd like to change, but it all starts with feeling better about me.  So where do I start?

Simon's Ears

Simon has to be at the hospital in less than an hour for ear tube surgery.  Our ENT said that his ears, both of them, are 100% full of fluid.  He says that my sweet boy has to be in some real pain.  That combined with the fact that he has had three ear infections in less than two months has led us to today.  It's no big deal.  Parker had three sets plus tonsils and adenoids removed, his thyroglossal duct cyst and hyoid bone removed, and Jackson had his tonsils and adenoids removed, so as far as surgeries go, this one isn't stressing Momma out in the least.  Maybe I should be more concerned than I am.  (Insert Momma Guilt here.)  I guess by the time you get to the sixth surgery on the third kid you get some perspective about when to worry and when not to worry.  He'll feel better after this one, so I'm kind of looking forward to it actually!  Plus, if he has less infection, he'll have less fever, which leads to less possibility of seizures.  I'm ALL for that!

Gotta get ready now and then get little big man up.  New and improved eardrums coming up!  :-D

The Straw that Broke the Momma's Back

(This picture is of an 8-month-old Simon's pitiful face.  I thought it appropriate.)

Too much has been happening to even blog about it all.  I'm running around like a crazy person.  I have to remind myself to breathe at times.

Brief Synopsis...
Too little sleep.  Dropped two classes but still full time.  Sick Jackson.  Sick Parker.  Really sick Simon.  Febrile seizure.  Sick Simon (again).  Fleas in my house refusing to die!  Wade in revival.  School.  Church.  Grandmother passed away; played piano and sang at the funeral.  Trips to Tennessee and back.  Math test.  Papers to write.  Multiple doctor appointments for all three kids.  Back pain.  Headaches.  Sinus crap.  Parker's leg cramps.  Playing piano for another revival.  Simon getting ear tubes.  Exams coming up.  Cleaning house.  Never ending laundry.  Too fat for clothes in my closet so trying to lose weight.

So what was the straw that broke the momma's back you ask?  Tripping and falling in my hallway.  I fell and cried.  And I cried.  And I cried.  I just sat there in my hall and cried until I couldn't cry any more.  Wade thought I was really hurt or something and kept trying to help me up.  Finally I managed to croak, "I don't wanna get up," and then he understood and let me cry without trying to fix it.  I love him.  :)

I'm blessed.

Yesterday was Homecoming at our church.  Wade preached a message on the prodigal son, and then we had a wonderful time of plain ol' fellowship.  We had a HUGE potluck with more food than I have ever seen before laid out on four big tables.  Then we all went outside to play!  We had horseshoes, cornhole boards, dominoes, and lots of things for the kids to do.  God blessed us with a beautiful, perfect day.  After the playing, we had homemade ice cream - banana, chocolate, vanilla, and peach!  OH MY GOODNESS was it good!

The point of all this is, I'm blessed!  God has plunked me down right in the middle of a congregation of wonderful and amazing people.  I had no idea when Wade took the pastorate at Old Zion that God would be creating relationships closer than blood with the people there.  Two of my children were born into that church, and the oldest was only five months old when we started.  They know and love the people there like they are their own relatives.  And I guess they are family - the family of God.

I know there will come a day when God tells Wade that his time at Old Zion is over, and that He has another church who needs Wade's amazing gifts.  When that happens I'll be so sad.  I try not to think about it much, and I hope it's far, far into the future.  (I'd like it if Wade retired from O.Z.!) 

Overall, though, today I'm just feeling really blessed.  That saying, "Too blessed to be stressed," comes to mind since my whole life has been the Indianapolis 500 lately.  The stress will kick in a little later today, but right now, it's nice to just feel God touching my spirit and saying, "Daughter, I'm here- even in your storm."  Blessed... what a sweet feeling.

AAAAAAHHHHHHH!

Life is insane right now.  I have 18 hours this semester.  I have 18 hours, three children, and a pastor husband.  18 hours was a LOT when it was just me and my cat!

There are so many things I need to post on here, but I have ZERO time.  Like right now, I'm in the computer lab at school, not sitting in front of my computer at home with a cup of coffee with hazelnut creamer.  Oh, to sit at home and relax!

Here's one worth remembering though...

Parker and Jackson preach to each other all the time.  Parker was "preaching" the other day and said, "IF YOU'RE NOT SAVED, YOU'RE GOING TO HELL! AND (pointing to imaginary parishioners) THAT'S YOU AND YOU AND YOU AND YOU!!!"

As funny as he is, Jackson is equally sweet.  I fell down the stairs recently (a whole 'nother blog post in itself), and seeing my bruise, Jackson went to the refrigerator, got a piece of ice, wrapped it in a napkin, and put it gently on my arm, "To make the bruise not so bad, Momma."

And as sweet as Jackson is and as funny as Parker is, Simon is just...well... Simon.  He's PRECIOUS, sweet, smart, cuddly, and BOY does that baby have a temper!  Like I said about the stairs thing, that's a whole 'nother blog post in itself! 

Back to work....  Gotta read and write papers. 

I can do this.  I can do this.  I can do this. 

Nah, he's not greedy.

What Parker just said:

"Momma, for Christmas, I want every kind of toy there is.  Yep, every kind they have in the whole entire world."


Good gracious, that kid!

Baby Steps!

Simon took some steps!  He's not really walking yet, but he has taken steps.  YAY and boo hoo.  :)

:)

On the way home from Louisville, we were all getting tired of riding, so Wade, with a hint of exasperation, says, "Are we there yet?"

Parker:  "You're the one driving!  The one driving can't say that!!!"

Burning the Candle at Both Ends (and in the middle too!)

In that About Me... section up there, you can see I'm in school.  Well, right now I'm not just in school, I'm IN. SCHOOL.  I have six hours this MONTH.  Between three children, church, the house, Exceptional Ed 330, Math 205 (Number Theory for Teachers), and all the other stuff I think I have to do, I'm (as they say back home) WHOOPED!  Worn out.  Exhausted.  Overtired.

But you know what?  It's all good.  

No, I'm not getting enough sleep and am living on sugar and caffeine to get through the days.  It's okay though.  When I go to school, I get a few hours of nobody constantly wanting something, no poopy diapers, and nobody screaming, "I'm telling!"  I get to be Valerie and not Momma.  (I had almost forgotten I have an actual name!  LOL!)  But when I get home, I'm glad to be here.  I'm happy to see my little men.  I'm emotionally rejuvenated.  (Physically?  Well, not so much.)  :)

Okay...  so here is what I've missed telling you....

Simon:  His high fever was caused by Roseola.  It's all gone now, and he's none the worse for wear.  He never did get to have an actual birthday party, although we did have cake and ice cream at Wade's parents' house.  His temp was about 103 while he was eating cake.  Poor little fella.

Parker:  He is SO STINKIN' EXCITED about going to preschool this year.

Jackson:  Not as excited about going to first grade, but still ready to go.  The Back to School Bash was this evening, and they both seemed happy about school.  Jackson is concerned about Wade's parents' house having termites.  He said that they might crawl up on the kitchen table and eat Grannyma and Poppa's toothpicks.  :)

As soon as my classes are over (August 11), I'll have more time to blog.  Things happen about every day that I want to put on here, and then I forget them before I have time to log on.  My brain can only hold so much right now.  It HAS to hold school stuff and where Parker's blanket is.  Everything else is negotiable.  :)

What a Stinky Way to Spend a Birthday

Simon took his first ambulance ride two days ago.  He started running a pretty high fever the night before, so I started alternating the Motrin and Tylenol like I was supposed to.  By the time the evening rolled around, however, he was REALLY hot.  I took his temp under his arm (because he was asleep), and it was 103.3.  I was in the middle of leaving the pediatrician's office a message when he started seizing.  The seizure lasted a full five minutes.  I dialed 911, and they sent the fire department and an ambulance.  The fire department's first responders gave him oxygen until the paramedics got here.  They loaded us up and took off to the hospital.  On the way, they put cold packs on him to bring his temp down (which he did NOT appreciate, by the way!).  When we got to the hospital, they took his temp - 103.8 - AFTER the cold packs.  They checked him out, did a chest x-ray, took blood, and got some urine, but nothing showed up at all.  The diagnosis was a non-specific virus.

I took him to his pediatrician the next day, and she ordered another blood count.  It showed that his white count was low, which, according to her, is indicative of a virus.  So she agreed with the ER doc.  Simon really turned on the charm for the pediatrician.  He's such a good baby, even when he's sick.  I really am blessed.

Because of all this, we have canceled his birthday party today.  We'll probably have it next week when he's all better.  But still... poor little guy is sick on his first birthday.  What a stinky way to spend a birthday!

My Bonus Baby is Turning One.

I call Simon my "bonus" baby because I never expected to have him.  After Parker, I was pretty sure I was done with pregnancy even though I really didn't want to be.  My doctors warned me that I shouldn't get pregnant again, so I just planned to do the smart thing and just be happy with my two precious boys.  But you know what?  I just felt like there was somebody missing.  I never felt like our family was complete.  I had baby fever constantly!  So when Parker was 2 1/2, I got pregnant with Simon.  :)  It was another horrible Hyperemesis Gravidarum pregnancy.  I'm so glad I have my sweet little Sijo now though.  He's absolutely precious.

He is getting older, bigger, and is doing more things.  It's so bittersweet.  I'm glad to see my little fellow grow and develop, but he's my last little one.  I just hold him sometimes and think that this baby-ness is all coming to an end soon.  I smell his sweet baby smell and rub my face on his little baby hair and kiss his little fat baby cheeks and feet, and I know that before too long, he's going to be as big as my big guys are now.    Don't get me wrong...  I LOVE my big guys!  It's just that I have been given this gift of this bonus baby, and I don't want it to come to an end.  My arms feel the emptiness that's coming because they've been there before.

But that's just the way things go, right?  Life is ever-changing.  Just when we start to get comfortable, we have to modify our plans, take a deep breath, change direction, and take another step forward.  I know that there will be sweet moments in the future with Simon.  I get that.  It's just that this momma sure will miss those little toothless smiles and starfish hands.

So if you'll excuse me now, I need to go watch my Simon sleep.  I don't want to miss a minute.

Parker...

Caillou's song, "I Like Looking at Books" was just playing.  Parker says to himself, "I like looking at books sometimes, but best I like digging and riding bicycles."  Yep, that pretty much sums up Parker.

I think I Shall Call Them "Chunkheads"

Here's a little back story...  This morning, I didn't go to church.  Simon was up with his gums hurting just about all night long, plus I had a raging sinus headache, complete with dizziness.  I got up, dealt with Simon, took some sinus medicine, and went back to bed.  Fast forward to this evening.  I felt better so we went to my ladies meeting at church and choir practice.  The boys get out of the van.  I see something that looks odd on Parker's head.  There are three chunks taken out of his hair all the way down to the scalp, one of them being right in the smack-dab front of his head.

Me: "Parker, come here.  What happened to your head?"
Parker: "Are you gonna be mad?"
Me: "Well, I'm gonna be a lot madder if you don't tell me what happened right this second."
Parker:  "Jackson did it!"
Jackson (apparently listening in and determining how much trouble he was going to be in): "I did not!  I didn't do Parker's.  I just did m-...." (trailing off and realizing that he just implicated himself in this deal).
Me: "WHAT DID YOU DO, AND YOU BETTER TELL ME RIGHT NOW!?!"
Parker: "I cut my hair, and Jackson cut his hair."

Now I look at Jackson who also has some little chunks out of his hair.

Jackson: "I didn't mean to."
Me: "You didn't MEAN to?  How do you cut your hair and not mean to?  You just told me a lie.  If you put the scissors to your hair, did like this (cutting motion), and hair fell down, you meant to cut your hair.  Now, you better tell me the truth."
Jackson: "Okay, I meant to."

Later on I asked them where they cut their hair.  Bathroom?  Their room?  Nope.  It was in the living room.  I can't get these kids to pick up their own feet, much less their toys, and they cleaned up every last smidgen of hair and evidence of their little barbering party.  The ambition of a sneaky child is something to be admired.

Ehrlichiosis: Two Years Later

Two years ago today, Parker was admitted to the hospital with some sort of tickborne illness.  Our wonderful Superdoc thought it was Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever and began treating him aggressively.  (Thank goodness!)  Two more days later, Parker's counts were dropping to critical levels, so Superdoc, being the wonderful man he is, called Vanderbilt and said, "Now what?!?"  They said to get him there ASAP, so we went.  Parker and I rode in an ambulance, lights flashing and sirens blaring, to Vanderbilt Children's Hospital.  It was determined that Parker had Ehrlichiosis, a tickborne illness that is a lot like RMSF.  So, long story short, he made it through none the worse for wear.  He has no lasting damage at all.  So today this momma is thankful for her "Middle Little."

But today also I'm thinking about two other mommas.  You see, while Parker was at Vanderbilt, there were two other children there who also had Ehrlichiosis.  They didn't go home.  Two out of three children who were there died.  My baby was the only one who made it.  Now if that doesn't humble you and make you grateful to God, nothing does.

So thank You, God.  Without Your mercy and care, I would be mourning the loss of my precious boy, and instead, I'm relishing in all the sweet and silly things he does.  Help me to be a better mother.  Please draw all my little men close to You, God.  In the name of Jesus our Savior, Amen.

The Queen's Debut!

Well, howdy!  Glad you found my little spot.  :)  Wade suggested that I create a blog to keep up with all the funny things that our little men do in addition to recording any advice I have for mothers of little boys.  So here it is.  I doubt there will be much advice, as I figure out this momma thing day by day, but I can record their funny little activities for posterity.  But ya know what?  Now that I have my laptop handy and am ready to type, they won't do anything and will just sit around like little slugs.  LOL!  Because if you know anything about boys, you know they won't perform on demand and are completely unpredictable!  In addition, this might just serve as sort of a diary and a place to air my feelings about being a stay-at-home-mom.  We'll see.

Oh, I'm calling this blog Queen of This Castle because when people say, "1, 2, THREE!  Three boys!  You sure have your hands full!  Are you going to try for a girl?" I say, "Nope!  I'm the queen of this castle.  I'm not sharing!"

I'm being summoned.  Someone needs the ketchup and someone else needs out of his high chair.  See ya!